Ever since my GP told me that it’s likely that I will be on medication forever to treat my headaches it made me think.
Do I want to be on medication forever, forever is a very long time!
Is he really trying to help me?
This isn’t right.
I don’t know whether my hemorrhage gave me a new super power of confidence but it suddenly occurred to me that this isn’t right. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I have been on medication for so long and I don’t want to be. For some it may be the right course and I respect this but I have reached a point where I don’t want this. I have seen a couple of different GPs since. One was open to alternative therapies, suggesting Indian Head Massage which I have tried and it was wonderful. The second said, you’re only 32, it’s a long time to be on medication for and referred me to Neurology. After two and a half years it felt like a relief to be told that this isn’t right.
Since the eye-opening moment I have been looking at ways to ease my headaches. There doesn’t seem to be a cause that I can pinpoint. No triggers. I say that I’ve been suffering for two and half years but that only counts the moment that they started occurring every single day. I remember getting them at high school a lot and at college. I remember getting a migraine in the middle of the night when I was at uni and not being able to move. I remember getting a migraine at work and my manager not believing me and in between customers I would curl up into ball on the floor behind the counter. A photo appeared in my Mum’s Facebook memories and I said I remember that day, I had a bad headache and felt ill.
I truly am the lady with the headache.
Some remedies are easier to try out than others. I’ve heard of that ear-piercing that’s supposed to help but that seems quite extreme although my sister said she’d come too! apparently showering in a certain baby wash is also supposed to be good. Both I’ve yet to try.
I’ve mentioned before that I hate the change of season from Summer to Autumn. It makes me feel physically sick as Summer ends. I don’t hate Autumn itself I hate what comes next and that Spring feels so far away. I find myself filling the season with things to look forward to. We booked to go to Legoland, we visited BeWILDerwood for Halloween, we have had a January family holiday booked at Center Parcs since we came home earlier this year. All these things distract my attention and help me look forward.
In September a post by the Blurt Foundation appeared in my Facebook newsfeed and it caught my eye outlining their ‘Buddy Box’ scheme. A package of self-care surprises. The Blurt Foundation is a support network for those suffering mental illness. Fortunately the dark days of depression are behind me but the thought of going back there scares the hell out of me. As we were approaching October, my least favourite month of the year I thought I’d treat myself to one of these ‘Buddy Boxes’ because I LOVE surprises. As a child the Christmas presents I looked forward to the most were those from Father Christmas. We would get a pillow case filled with practical and fun small gifts. Some were predictable, every year we would get bubble bath and I loved this. There would be chocolates, underwear, small toys and as I got older a Smirnoff Ice! Father Christmas visited me until I was about 20, I must have been very very good. October’s ‘Buddy Box’ promised to be something cozy. With the drop in temperature promised and the days darkening this sounded perfect so I pre-ordered one. When it arrived I was surprised because I didn’t know when to expect it and I couldn’t wait to open the present to myself. I went on to order November’s too and I have a confession to make, I love the way they are wrapped in their pretty little box that I have kept them that way and now have 2 hot chocolate sticks to enjoy.
Being more self-care aware has opened my eyes further. I realised that being a mum of 2 boys, a wife, both employed and self-employed there are very few moments to look after number one and when I do I come under scrutiny. What’s with the essential oils? What’s the hippy tea all about? When I was in hospital for two weeks it was the first time in many years that I was being looked after. As an adult I don’t expect to be looked after but isn’t it lovely when someone does, no one else is going to surprise me so I may as well surprise myself.